Something Very Personal...

Hello friends, fans, followers, and stalkers...😉

    It's been a while since I've checked in and written anything. But over the past week or so, I've decided to make public a part of my personal life that until now only a select handful of close friends have been privy to, and in two or three instances, directly involved with. So here goes...

    Long before I knew there was a word for it, what it meant, or how to even explain it, I knew I was Polyamorous. I was still a young kid. Probably not even a teenager. But I always had more than one case of “puppy love” or “grade-school crush” at a time, and every one of them was genuine, sincere, and real (or as “real” as any schoolyard love can be). I never thought anything about it. I just had feelings for more than one girl at a time. Of course, when you’re young nobody thinks about stuff like that anyway. After all, what do young kids know about love?

As I got older, things started to get complicated. I’d still find myself having feelings for or being interested in two girls at once. But by then I understood that society said, “If you find yourself having feelings for Person B, then you really don’t have feelings for Person A.”  The problem was, while those words made sense to me logically, they didn’t feel right. I knew my feelings for both people were real. It never mattered though, because I was too shy, and too afraid of rejection (that’s another story all of its own) to ever act on those feelings and ask anyone out. So, I never really dated at all during my teenage years.

Many people assume that Polyamory is part of some kind of deviant lifestyle. That it’s people who can’t commit to relationships, want a guilt-free excuse to sleep around, are swingers or group sex fetishists. And while it’s true, there are people who do all those things. They do not represent all, or even a majority of Polyamorous or Ethically Non-Monogamous people. They certainly don’t represent me. I’m not a fan of one-night stands or casual encounters. I’ve certainly had them in the past, and I won’t deny that I enjoyed them while in the moment. But the next day (or two) after, I found myself feeling empty, unfulfilled, and ultimately alone. I felt like both she and I deserved something more. Something better. But neither of us would find it in each other.  I didn’t know how to say all that. So, it got weird. Or maybe it was just me that got weird.

Over the years, I came to the realization that out of all the resources this world has to offer, the only one that can never be completely exhausted or depleted, is Love. We fall in love. We fall out of love. We start loving someone. We stop loving someone. But no matter how much we love, we will never, ever run out of the love we have to give. In addition, our capacity to receive love is also endless. We always have the choice of whether or not to accept someone else’s love for us. But we are never limited by how many people we choose and/or allow to give/receive love from. One example of that is a Mother or Father with multiple children. The parent never worries about loving one child more than another. Every child gets 100% of the love the parent(s) can give. 

Polyamory is the same thing, but taken to a romantic stage instead of a familial one. It’s not easy to navigate though. Relationships are complicated enough to begin with. Trust, honesty, communication are the most important factors in any monogamous relationship. Imagine adding another person (or people) to trust, be honest, and communicate with. I just believe that if we’re all capable of giving and receiving an infinite amount of love, be it familial, platonic, or romantic, as long we do so ethically, honestly, truthfully, while communicating our intentions, and our feelings (both good and bad). It’s almost selfish to deny ourselves the chance to experience as much love as we can.

Now, I’m in my early/mid-fifties. I’ve been involved in a long-term, long-distance (yes, we do get together from time-to-time) relationship (we just celebrated 10 years!). I still don’t date very much. Partially due to the shyness and self-confidence/self-esteem issues from my youth that I’ve never been able to outgrow. Partially due to the stigma that Polyamory still has from the majority of society. I don’t do one-night encounters. I don’t cheat. I’m 100% honest about the fact that I’m Polyamorous. And, I’m also diligent in practicing safe sex (when the opportunity arises--no pun intended). I’m looking for genuine connections. But I know that this isn’t the easiest thing to bring up when meeting someone. I know I’m not the only Polyamorous person out there. I also know that Polyamory is not for everyone. I just wish it was easier for more people to accept--or at the very least, be less judgmental about. I hope telling my story helps.

    I appreciate your taking the time to read this.