Why I Do What I Do The Way I Do What I Do (Part 1)

OK, we've covered how I got started. So now we'll get into how and why I perform my shows the way I do. This may be a little long. So I'll divide it into parts. In the meantime, grab a beverage, sit back, relax and read on...

I've always wanted to be in a band. Well, I should clarify a bit. I've been in bands over the years, and for the most part, I've loved the experience. But what I've really wanted, was to be the frontman and leader of my own band.

I never wanted to rule with an iron hand. But at the same time, I've always had specific ideas of what I wanted and expected from a band. Here's the thing though. I've always been difficult to work with. What I didn't really understand until now though, is why that's been the case. I'm moody. I'm opinionated. I suffer from depression (which exacerbates those things), and for a long time, I was never very good at interpersonal communication. That lead to a lot of misunderstanding (but that's an entirely different story or two...  maybe I'll elaborate on that another time). Like I said, I was difficult to work with and that's the basic reason of why I'm not in a band anymore, whether it be my own or as a member of someone else's.

Another thing about me, is that I'm very unsure of my own abilities. I never had anyone really encouraging me at home (or anywhere else) while starting my musical journey. My parents never discouraged me. They never really encouraged me either. I never seriously took lessons for any instrument. The family could never afford it and to be fair, as a kid I never really stuck with any activity long enough for them to think it worth the investment. I have a couple cousins that were musical and one of them taught me how to play a few chords on the guitar. Other than that, and a few informal lessons from Greg Howe (to whom I consider one of my oldest & closest friends an owe more than a few thank you's), I'm basically 100% self-taught. On top of that, I failed Music Theory in school. Music is the one thing I've loved more than anything, and I couldn't (and still don't) understand the science and math of how it works. I just could never grasp it. I'm still trying and truth be told, it's still just as confusing to me. 

To summarize: for any number of reasons, I can't "play well" with others. But, I want (or maybe even need) to be in, or lead a band. And, I doubt my own abilities in comparison to other performers.  So, what to do?

Stay tuned...


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